Wacky Times - Veni, Vidi , Vici !!

Is Mannekin's Pis(s) hot?

2010-12-23T18:22:00.000+05:30

Beep Beep...Beep Beep... Eyes red as blood, From a deep sleep I jolted out of my bed to see my Mobile flashing light at my sleep deprived eyes.A message @ 3 AM in the morning.I was gonna kill this person unless this message was something important.I opened and read the message with a pouty look on my face.

My face brightened.I always knew, an idea was a greater monument than a cathedral.But the kind of idea that this message planted in my brain was so awesome that, 'Inception' was immediate.What Christopher Nolan achieved with a $200 million dollar movie,this simple SMS, did absolutely free of cost.

When I was traveling in Belgium I came across this statue of a boy standing stark naked,holding his pee-wee and peeing into a fountain's basin.Legend has it that, this statue was put up there in remembrance of a young boy who was awoken by a fire and was able to put out the fire with his urine, in the end this helped stop the king's castle from burning down.

On occasion, the statue is hooked up to a keg of beer. Cups will be filled up with the beer flowing from the statue and given out to people passing by.Phallic Beer ?!?!?! Sounds cool? As long as it is cold beer, Mannekin and Heineken sounds similar.At least to me, they do.

The beer in the glass, was supposed to be of the same temperature as it was, when drawn into the statue from the keg.The Mannekin Pis being a bronze statue is able to maintain the temperature of the beer all through the urinal track of the boy and into the beer glass.Astonishing.

The point that aroused my curiosity later that night when I woke up reading the untimely message was this.

The message read, "Even if you are gonna drink ice cold water, you are gonna pee hot".

Water is essential for survival of life. The water we take washes and cleans our body and comes out as urine.Blah Blah Blah Blaah!!!! I knew all this.

With 12 years of my school education, 4 years of an engineering education and a 4 soporific long years at Software companies, I was not able reason out this message.I was stumped.
Simple but strong message I would say.It took me 3 long hours of surfing, to reason this out.Google,wikipedia,How stuffs work?!?!?,e-bay.com...

Everything boils down to this...
"Urine is hot because it is stored in the body, which has an average temperature of about 98.6 degrees. By the time the urine leaves the body, it is still hot because of the high body temperature"

What is the use of being a 'cool' guy if you drink ice cold water and pee hot?!?!
I aint cool anymore :(

The tower of Babel - chapter 1

2010-12-17T10:42:00.000+05:30

For the want of money,your conscience was killed
For the want of love,the money was burnt
For the want of power,my love was lynched
For the want of eternity,the gods lost their power.

The tower of Babel's, interior walls of the antechambers, were chock-full of paintings and drawings.The gods looked at in awe, for it had shown all the divine niceties and the dark fantasies of men.The gods had no choice but to burn it down just to prove their power and arrogance.They were not extremely successful.The pieces
flung in all the directions and the places where the debris fell, became the breeding grounds for new cultures.To name a few, The Hosier lane,Queens- New York,Zurich,Venice Graffiti pit,Topiel street- Warsaw...

"For the want of money,your conscience was killed"

He was delightfully and dedicatedly rotten in the matters of viewing things straight. He always felt people... people around him, start thinking in agitated wonderment at what they must have done to deserve a guy like him.

Talks of rapprochement with his wife had gone in vain.She never believed him after the day he told her that he never really loved her and that he married her just for her dad's money.Later she also came to know he had an affair with another woman. He understood people as long as they spoke money.

"For the want of love,the money was burnt"

They never understood the spawning concepts of Evolution.They were actually one.The master and his alter ego.The alter ego, was a figment of his master's imagination and the master never knew he existed.

He wanted to write a book.He had a story that would make him a billionaire, overnight.He knew he would be very famous if he completes this book.A story so powerful,it could alter the winds of the current political situation.All he was waiting for, was an opening line for the book.

He had always felt that the opening line of a book had the power to, glue the readers to your book, or to dump it.He had a list of options that he managed to pull out from few books.He wanted his 'opening line' to be eclectic rather than original.

"Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun."
- Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"It was a pleasure to burn."
- Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

"I was born in the Year 1632, in the City of York, of a good Family, tho' not of that Country, my Father being a Foreigner of Bremen, who settled first at Hull"
Daniel Defoe, Robinson Crusoe

"Achilles' cursed anger sing, O goddess, that son of Peleus, which stated a myriad sufferings for the Achaeans."- Homer, The Iliad

He knew that the starting line for his book would be a combination of all these lines.But how?

"For the want of power,my love was lynched"

I had my drink,paid the bill and came out of the pub.When I was about to enter the elevator,something caught my attention.

She was insanely beautiful when I saw her for the second time.But she was not the same.She had Changed a lot.Her horizons were a lot more vibrant than they used to be.She was sitting alone in the huge vestibule of the hotel reading the "Hypnerotomachia Poliphili".She was not wearing any of those extravagant jewels or clothes,but something that was missing in her face made her very conspicuous.I gave a stilted glance ,ducked my way through the crowd and went near her.She looked up at me and her face turned gloomy.

What on the earth was she doing there with a "Hypnerotomachia Poliphili" in her hand.Had she gone mad?

More sins and desperation

2010-05-07T19:39:00.002+05:30

The tower of Babel:

He went to the pub straight from work. This time he was carrying a bottle of wine Blanche with him. Before he could enter the pub, he was stopped by the bouncer.

"Sorry sir! You cannot take the bottle in", said the bouncer, with "I-don’t-care-who-you-are" attitude.
"It’s just a bottle of wine and am not gonna drink it in there", I retaliated with "I-know-you-don’t-care-who-I-am-and-neither-do-I" tone.
"Ya! I do understand .But we do not allow liquor from outside”, shot back the bouncer with "you-better-understand-our-rules-and-do-what-I-say" looks.
"Ok,Then do me a favor.Can you have this bottle with you somewhere so that I can have my drink, come back and take it ?" I inquired with "at-least-do-this-and-better-think-twice-before-you-say-no" tone.
"Sure Sir! We can do that”, he asserted with "this-is-supposed-to-be-a-pub-not-some-locker-room" looks.
"But please be careful with the bottle. It’s a very expensive French wine", I enounced with "Now-you-better-understand-who-I-am" tone.
"Don’t worry Sir. We will take care." he revealed with "w-t-f???" expression.

Meanwhile, in the dark, a train was delineating its way towards the city. The train was crowded and she was sitting near the window. With her black windcheater...err...That was not a windcheater.Who is gonna wear one in India, that too in Chennai, in the month of May. It was a chudidhar.

She was pressing the phone against her ears and was whispering something. She was smiling. The curve of her lips offered a lot of interesting angles as she was whispering into the phone. He was standing near the door watching her with a stern look. He knew that she knew he was looking at her. Still a long way to go. He could not resist the temptation of staring at her.

At the far end of the city, the night was dreadfully calm. She was sitting in the garden with her eyes closed. She had signed the divorce papers and it has been almost a year since she did that. But still she was not able to erase him completely from her mind.

One night, he was lying on the bed watching her get undressed. She changed to her night dress and came near him. She caressed his hair and bent forward to kiss him.

"I want you badly" he said with a romantic intonation.

After knowing he had had another affair with a woman at his workplace, she was shaken to the roots. She used to admire him a lot and she had loved him more than anything in this world. Their 8 year old daughter still knows nothing about what has been going on in her mother’s mind.

She walked out on him with their daughter, came to Chennai and started a new life. She got a good job with a very good pay.

A Very attractive, confident, independent, young, funny, patient, level headed and intellectually stunning lady.

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step”. When people started building the tower of Babel, the Lord came down and confound the language of all the earth, and from thence he scattered them abroad upon the face of all the earth.

To be continued…

Mind It !!!

2010-03-28T23:38:00.002+05:30

"The earth is my play ground.The sky is my terrace.If u are all lightening, I am 250 volt current I say..

I will teach you how to behave......."

-South India's Clinton Eastwoodu,Quick Gun Murugan.

You can as well substitute Vijaykanth or Rajnikanth below.

When Quick Gun Murugan has only one bullet and tries to shoot two people he does it with ease ,just by biting the bullet into 2 and throwing it at them ,with his eyes closed.

The Anna square (mt. road) was indeed Anna pentagon,before Quick Gun Murugan kicked off one of its edges.

Quick Gun Murugan doesnt believe in the myth,that says,politics can change the way people make garlands.

Quick Gun Murugan once roughed up a sloth bear and it went to the north pole, and its descendants started growing white hair.

Quick Gun Murugan never goes hunting,he smiles.His smile kills.

There is no theory of evolution.It is just the creatures Quick Gun Murugan let live.

Only Quick Gun Murugan can lead the horse to the water and also make it drink.

Quick Gun Murugan's house has no doors.It is just the walls that he walks through.

Love is blind,but Quick Gun Murugan is not.

Quick Gun Murugan was the reason why veerapan was hiding.

Just guns don't kill people.Quick Gun Murugan does.

Quick Gun Murugan uses 8'*10' plywood as toilet paper.

Time and tide waits for none,unless it is Quick Gun Murugan.

Quick Gun Murugan never uses a coconut scraper,he uses his nails.

When Quick Gun Murugan fell in love with some mango dolly, Mona Lisa lost her smile.

It takes 18 years of education and 10 years of hard work to start a business and to succeed,Quick Gun Murugan does it in a jiffy when he washes his hands after a meal.

Einstein tried hard to prove the theory of relativity,Quick Gun Murugan used his roundhouse kick to throw the bad guys to yesterday.

Obelix fell in to the magic portion,But Quick Gun Murugan, is the magic portion.

An ode to a damsel

2010-03-24T20:47:00.002+05:30

She was moving fancily with her blinding curves taking a toll on my moody brain. She saw me from the corner of her eyes.She was dancing, and her moves were graceful enough
to make even the uninitiated hit the dance floor at once.

"She's nothin like a girl u've ever seen before...
I m tryin to find the words to describe this girl ,
without being disrespectful..",David Guetta was humming in the background.

As I was admiring her with my mouth wide open,she came near me.She came so close that I was able to feel her breath.She flung herself towards my shoulders and then came near my ears.
I was able to hear my heart beat.Adrenaline was rushing all through my body.I was able to feel the heat.My temperature was rising.She came near my ears,whispered something, and bit it slightly.I was shocked.I didnt expect this.

Slap!!! I tried to hit her.She moved away and I waved my empty hand in the air.Eroticism
was in her blood.I shouldn't have been rude.By trying to slap her, I had invited more
trouble in the form of 'attention', from her friends who were along dancing with her.There
were 3 of them and they all came near me and started circling me.

'Now you cannot escape from us.We need you badly.Allow us to taste your hot blood you
idiot'
They came near and started satisfying their desire by pushing them all over me,each one
concentrating on their own places of interest.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!With a 3D effect!!A rhythm that had all the
world's music in it.I shut my eyes wide and tried to pick the weapon from the floor.

After some struggle, I picked it , and ,"Bang!!Bang!! Bang!!!!" Within a few seconds they
were lying in front of me,in a pool of blood.

"Her abdomen full of blood that will nourish her eggs, a female Anopheles mosquito takes to the air. Her next landing may be a dangerous one—for the human who receives her bite.
The female Anopheles mosquito is the only insect capable of carrying the human malaria parasite."

But not anymore.(A wicked smile)

Crime,Sin , desperation and Nirvana -Part 2

2010-03-06T20:27:00.001+05:30

"Nothing is happening these days.Life is not eventful.Am working out on a schedule that
would kill my boredom.I am stuck in a vicious cycle of routines.Wake up, catch the train ,read some magazine, reach the workplace, work, slog all day long, take the train back home, eat, sleep.

May be i am becoming responsible.I am in a self-restraint and circumspection mode.Life has become a bit serious.I have stopped doing things that i was once famous for.I lack interest in life and this has led to some kind of mental weariness.But her features still remain delineated in the canvas of my mind.

It has been ages since i met her last.All messages were turned down.All my calls went unanswered.The events that i wanted to preserve as a memorabilia for life,became a burden.I was moving around with a heavy load in my heart.

But whatever happens, life has to move on.I am at a crossroads in my life."

The thought process that changed my life completely and made me what i am today.
Alteration, innovation, transformation, modification, mutation, metamorphosis, permutation, transmutation, transition.

And i still haven't spoken to that "stock character of my parody" i had written about in my previous blogisodes.I do not have the fortitude and determination to walk up to her and talk something sensible.

After all sensibility defies romance.

Well life is not just romance and courtship.There are tougher decisions to take and reasons to give.Yes !!! Am planning to quit my job.

"Why the hell?
You are working in a good MNC, a good pay and you still wanna quit?
Did you receive a solid offer some where else?
You have difficulty getting along with your colleague?
You don't get along with your boss?
You just had a disagreement with your boss?
You received an unsatisfactory performance review?
What the **** happened to you? Are you out of your mind?
Will your parents accept this? Do you think there is a way you can support yourself if you quit the job? Do not put the burden on your dad's shoulders.Its not fair."

I don't know.I just wanna quit.

To be continued...

'PEE' brain Mr.Harish

2010-01-23T22:48:00.002+05:30

India has its own share of Nobel Prize winners over the decades in several fields.
Rabindranath Tagore (Nobel Prize for Literature),Sir C V Raman (Nobel Prize for Physics),Mother Teresa (Nobel Prize for peace,Dr. Amartya Sen (Nobel Prize for Economics), Dr. Har Gobind Khorana (Nobel Prize for Medicine and Physiology),Dr. Subramanyan Chandrasekhar(Nobel Prize for physics,V.S. Naipaul (Nobel Prize for Literature),Venkatraman Ramakrishnan(Nobel Prize for Chemistry).
We have never had a chance to put our hands on Nobel prize for psychology and human behaviour if they have one?

But all this is going to change .A Software Engineer from India is on the verge of discovering the most important behavioral characterestics of men, that will shake the very roots of the human race.A discovery that will make you think.A discovery that will make you smile, the next time you go to the loo to take a leak.

This is strictly for men.Girls please keep away.Now I am sure, if you are a girl you wont stop reading :)

A few months ago i went to this well known ciniplex in chennai.The fact that i was drinking pepsi and, that the AC was running at an all time high, gave me an itchy feeling.Yes,I wanted to pee.I was twisting and turning in the seat for more than half an hour before the interval.I ran to the toilet and it was full already.For the girls who had the guts to continue even after my warning , I am not sure if you know how a 'gents toilet' looks like.I pity you.Have you ever seen cloud 9? Well, actually it looks like that when you have been waiting ,for more than half an hour to take a leak.

After few minutes, i managed to reach a wall mounted closet by cheating some people waiting before me in the queue.
On getting there, i was shocked.WTF???!? They didn't have a seperator between any 2 closets.It means i was free to see the "thingie" of the guy next to me and vice versa.Height of cost cutting i say.

During times like this, a man is really fighting a psychological battle.He is usually afraid that his "thingie" is smaller than his neighbour's.If his neighbour looks at his "thingie" and finds it to be smaller,he gives a wicked smile. Thats the best demotivator any guy can handle. Come on girls,you will never understand why we feel this way.

Every dog has its day.I had mine.This incident shook me and made me feel that, the so called "powerful" sex is after all not so powerful.

Whenever i used a public toilet at a theatre,or at office i started looking for signs.Some characterestics and behavior of men in the loo.I took a sample of 30 people. This 30 were a mix of both left handers and right handers. I observed them whenever they went to take a leak and the results were astounding.
At my office,you open the toilet door and you can find a dozen of wall mounted closets(wmc)to your left(POD-A).

Any right handed guy entering the POD-A went straight to the first wmc on the far left.People entering after him took the alternate wmc, filling them from left.The sample of men for this test were right handers.

Now, if any left handed guy enetered the POD-A, he went straight to the first wmc on the far right.People entering after him took the alternate positions filling the wmc from right.The sample of men for this test were left handers.

If there was a mix of both left and right handers, then the left handers started filling the wmc from the right and the right handers from the left.

A closer look at this (I mean, this test) will give you the reason for this behavior.A right hander holds his "thingie" in his right hand when he takes a leak,thus preventing people to his right, from seeing the size of his "thingie".And a left hander,holds it in his left hand, preventing people to his left, from seeing the size of his.

Why does a right hander need to go to the wmc on the far left,when there are so many wmc.Simple! He doesnt want to take a chance.Being in the far left gives him the luxury of not having anyone else to his left.Saved from the embarassment.

The same logic applies for the left handers also.Knowingly or unknowingly 'we the men' have been following this ritual more religiously from the day we started using a public toilet.

Even if you have not been doing this all these days i am sure you will start thinking about this now and probably start doing the same.All is well that ends well.Atleast this study gives you an idea on how to save yourself from 'THE' embarassment when you use a public toilet.
Next time you use a public toilet, make sure that the guy next to you finds it really difficult to see your "thingie".After all, best things in life should remain secret ;)

Note : All the data are based on some statistical anamolies.Readers discretion to be used.

Wallpapers? Actress ? Adjectives ?

2010-01-03T19:51:00.003+05:30

News dailies are churning up some humurous ads and services these days.This news-daily that i buy , had an advertisement.After reading this i started laughing pathetically.I dont know if you people would feel the same.

Life has become so intertwined with media and films leave alone the big things that matter,but even the specks that are under your nose craves for some filmy stuff.

Okie.Here we go.

The advertisement was something that had to do with the mobile services provided by the news paper daily.There will be many pictures of the famous hot south Indian actresses in a small column,and you are supposed to send a message to the number given there along with a code and in few seconds you receive a wallpaper in your mobile.Each image or the wallpaper has its own code and a caption that kindles the desire to own them,not literally.

These are not 'just' wallpapers.

What really interested me was not the image as such,but the caption.

As i did not want google to pull out my blog and put it first, when a guy from Brazil is searching for
"Hot south Indian masala actresses + Ileana + namitha + priyamani+ ..." , I am just mentioning the caption i.e adjective(imagine superlative) or Verb + name of the actress("Blah" instead of the original name) here.

The captions next to the images were...

* Amazing "Blah" - Code 713110
* Attractive "Blah" - code 774455
* Dancing "Blah"
* Stunning "Blah-2"
* Stylish "Blah-2"
* Refreshing "Blah-3"
* Staring "Blah-4"
* Sweet "Blah-4"
* Romantic "Blah BLAH"
* Sexy "BLAH BLAH"
* Gorgeous "BLAH"
* Elegant "BLAH"
* Alluring "BLAH"
* Dazzling "BLAH"
....

I could not control my laughter when i read them and saw the picture next to them simultaneously :) Nowhere could i see 'an intellectual "BLAH"' .Phew!!! When will they put up one?

The Final Countdown

2009-12-28T17:42:00.004+05:30

This year had a few bumps along the way.I personally went through few crests and troughs.

I felt it was worth writing about those incidents that touched me, moved me,made me sit on the edge of the seat,made me cry,made me laugh,made me think and made me sleep.

These incidents have nothing to do with Tiger Woods' two lives,Goldman Sachs' fall,General Motor and Chrysler Bankruptcy, soaring Gold price,Smart phone market,Wall Street crash,Renault's 2 year F1 ban,Federer's 15th Wimbledon title,Slum dog millionaire carving its name in the Oscars,Copenhagen summits or the likes.Do i care about them? Ha Ha Ha...

Life has more to it.
Let me start with a cacophonous din and end it with a fanfare.

~~Mishaps~~ :

Its always dark before the dawn.This year, I also understood that it is dark before it goes pitch black.I made many mistakes and ya, being a guy i need to count them as my experiences in life :)

'IT' happened.I was dejected and broken.I started hating life.I searched for a reason to live.Yes,thats how it was.But time had the answer.Passing clouds, just that they stayed a bit longer before they passed.And this incident made a man out of me.

MJ.An icon whose life is a lesson for those who really want to make it big in life.I liked his songs very much but above that, I liked him for the kind of guts he had and the kind of life he lived.He was truly a king , a self made man, a man who proved it is not difficult getting anything in this world , if you desire.I salute him.

And yes, i am still working.Working in an IT company.Sigh!!!

Trip :

I never had the guts to take the road less traveled.I hate loneliness.But this year i was forced to do so, many times.

To start off, in the first quarter(look what this IT company has done to me), I went to Mahabalipuram in my bullet.That was an awesome trip i should say.Had a good time in the beach and went for a cattamaran ride deep into the sea.

Then i went on a trek to the Nagari hills, in Andhra Nadu.Wow it was an experience of lifetime.I was literally on the top of the world when i stood on the summit.

Towards the end of the second quarter and the starting of the third quarter,I spent 3 months in Paris.Those 3 months did bring a lot of changes in me.Loneliness started creeping in slowly,but steadily.I learnt cooking ;)Made new friends who would give their life to teach me how to pronounce 'Ratatouille'. Ha!

The land of paintings,art,fashion,cabaret,wine and delicious cuisine influenced my thoughts.Yes! now, after this journey i could boldly call myself the "White Tiger".More insights about this trip is currently being scribbled in the "Bonjour Paris" blogisode.

I went to Orissa, for a friends wedding.That was my first trip to the north of India errrr may be the east, and it was really amazing.Went to Cuttack, Bhubaneswar and Konark.Had a great time.

The rest of the year i spent traveling in my bullet,the best company i've ever had, to hell a lot of places.The names aren't worth mentioning but the experiences are. They will need a separate blog post though.

Fun with Movies and books:

DVD,pirated CDs or the cinema halls.I dont even remember where i saw which movie.

To top the list i have Inglorious basterds(English) and Unnaipol oruvan(Tamil).Being a die hard kamal fan i enjoyed the movie,FDFS.FDFS withous some alcohol???Lol...never.

Arya 2 , my first telugu movie and my first telugu movie i saw in the theatre.Quick gun murugan(Tamil),a battered story of a local Indian cowboy.Phew!!! I was expecting some rustic comedy,but , you know..Rocket Singh(Hindi), a nice one but very slow i should say.

And the icing, Vettaikaran(Tamil).I remember each and every dialogue of the movie :) Delicatessen(French),My first french movie.Not to forget ,Avtar(English.Oh man!!! Pandora is the place i would like to be in,if i had a rebirth and if god had the heart to create it.

I watched many other movies too.But i forgot their names :(

This year i didnt read many books.But i remember vividly, the ones that i read.i can quote them :) Few of 'em here :

I started this year with "Mahabaratham pesugiradhu" by Cho.Lovely book it was.This involves the story of Mahabaratham and the preachings of Krishna. The toughest part in reading this huge book was that, it was written in tamil.

I picked PG Wodehouse',Ukridge.Had a good laugh.Oh man!!! this guy is truly awesome.he can bring you from the depths of sorrow and push you into a corner where you can sit holding your tummy and laugh out heartily.
I also read another book, "The Blott on the landscape" by Tom Sharpe.this was a re-read.This guy is also funny.

Then i took up "The Argumentative Indian". I was not able to appreciate the kind of literature that was put in.It was far too boring for a pea brain.I dumped it even before i touched the 21 st page.The same thing happened with "The God of small things" by Arundati Roy.

I made up my mind and promised that i will never read any book written by a genius Indian .As i mentioned, they are way too FAR.

Few months back,i bought two books. "The Lost Symbol", yet another interesting book by Dan Brown. I took more than a week to finish this one.It was HUGE , i say.
And, "The time Traveller's wife".This book really got me inetersted in physics and time travel ,so much so that ,now i am planning to read "The Dancing Wuli Masters " :)

Aravind Adiga's "The White Tiger" was also a good read.Probably this guy isn't that brainy,genius,intellectual kinda writer.His narrative was simple and yes,I understood what he was trying to convey through this rustic story of a driver who becomes an Entrepreneur.

A month back i bought the "2 states" by Chetan Bhagat.This guy knows what a best seller needs to have.His MBA @ IIM has taken care of that.Very good book and I could not stop reading it before i reached the end.

Now am having the brother of the greatest book the economists gave to mankind,"Superfreakonomics".

The icing on the cake this year, was my decission to join the French classes at Alliance Francaise.I joined in the month of October (i think..)
Now i can even sing Jingle Bells in french.Achievement of a sort for a guy who didn't even know the full song in English.

Now whenever my on site manager,with a smiling face, talks bad about me, in French, I give a dry smile.Hope he understands why.

This is just a part of the things that i did this year.There are many more to share.And i am already doing it in my other blogisodes.

The countdown to 2010has already started.

Happy Blogging folks :)

Notre Dame De Paris

2009-12-25T17:47:00.001+05:30

We were discussing about this song in our French class one day.It is a musical and is called "Notre Dame de paris". It has many songs and all of them are really good.I have listened to all these songs atleast 10 to 15 times.

Enchanting!!! And the lyrics,Wow!!!BEAutiful :)

Crime, Sin, desperation and nirvana - Part 3 (cont...)

2009-12-19T14:59:00.001+05:30

"If It hadn't Been For Cotton Eyed Joe
I'd Been Married a long Time Ago
Where did you come from where did you go
Where did you come from Cotton-Eye Joe

He brought a disaster wherever he went
The hearts of the girls were to hell, broken sent.
They all ran away so nobody would know
and left only men .." beep..beep..beep !

The power drained and the red light was blinking.My Ipod got switched off.There were insects all over the place, buzzing around the faintly glowing bulbs.Almost half the first class compartment was empty and I had enough place to sit.But I never liked the concept of getting seated in a local train.So did my colleagues.We prefer to stand near the entrance.The journey from my office to home is almost an hour long.

It was 6:15 PM.The crowd from all the nearby companies took this train usually.We were standing near the entrance and we had started talking about the day's happenings.

We were again talking about girls.One of the two topics,which impressed us very much.The other one being alcohol.For a change that day we were talking about the characteristics and the kind of intellect the girls have.

All through my life I've heard common rambling from girls.Whichever girl i met,would say that the girls are always mature than the guys of the same age.That's the reason they marry older guys , to match the maturity level.I was telling this to one of my colleagues.

Unlike me ( ;) ) he was a chauvinist.
"You know how a blonde would put off her cigarette?".
My face was blank.I am not a smoker and I've not seen girl smoking.But ya!!!I've seen smoking hot girls.

"She throws it in the water and steps on it." , he quipped and started laughing.

"That's the kind of brain they've got.Peanuts."

I didn't smile for that and my face was still stern.I was thinking about this for sometime.

Suddenly, my colleague standing next to me,whispered in my ears."Psst.Psst,Psst...".I was still thinking about the way smoking girls put off their cigarettes.I didn't hear him.He noticed it and whispered again,this time with a slightly higher volume.

"That girl has been staring at you for a long time now.". We would tell this to each other often.Who wouldn't want an ego boost.

"Haaa!!! which girl?"
"The one standing near the other exit."

Oh god!She was fat.So fat that she would surely break her family tree.It was a guy's job to stare at girls and when the girls did that, i felt a bit uneasy.I quickly turned my head and started looking in the opposite direction.I saw an orange flash and i smelt lilies.A girl was standing there in front of me.

She was wearing a black ID tag around her neck.Infy? MindTree ? CapGemini? or that export company? I didn't know.But all i could see was a beautiful smile and those rose lips moving artistically.It was like she was singing a song.I didn't hear her.Everything around me started moving slowly.And suddenly the world seemed to stop.Slowly i tried to concentrate on the song.

"Excuse me! ..... ... . .".Is that the song from the recent kollywood flick kandasamy? I sharpened my ears and tried to concentrate.I heard what she was singing.Actually not singing.

"Excuse me!!!Could you get the **** out of the way.I need to get down.Do you hear me?" (**** is not that 'F' word you are thinking about.Girls dont speak that way,that too,with ME :) )

"Oh sorry!I didn't realise that I was blocking the way.Sorry!!!!"

She gave a dry smile and got down.She carved her way gently through that lonely station and in a few seconds,she was gone.I turned back and looked into the compartment.My colleagues were standing there.They literally surrounded me.A wicked smile in their face.And suddenly they burst out into laughter.

"Thala!!! avlo dhana unga office la irukka anda italian ponnu kadha? aala maathiteengala?"
(Read as : So, What about the Italian specialist you were looking at,all these days? Planning to change your dream girl?)

No! I wasn't.I never felt anyone could possibly replace her,at least till that day.

To be cont...

Crime,Sin,desperation and Niravana - Part 3 (cont..)

2009-12-10T22:27:00.005+05:30

Blues to reds:

I waited for the right oppurtunity.I waited for one whole week before i realised that it was not going to work out this way.

I started looking for a pattern.A pattern that would give an insight about her habits.I found that,

a. She liked reading books - Yes each day she set a note in the communicator.Usually they are famous lines from some books.
b. She logged in by 12:00 pm in the noon - Since she was working in the BPO, she was catering the European clients and     so her work time was from 12:00 pm to 10:00 pm.
c. She went for her tea break @ 4:00pm daily - That was the time, the communicator showed her status as 'away'.

I never thought i had the brains of Sherlock Holmes.If I had put it for a better use, I would have cracked JEE or CAT.

What next???

I double clicked on her name and a messaging window opened up.

"Am i doing the right thing?What if she doesn't even bother to reply? What if she removes me from her contact for messaging her? What if...Come on da machi!!You have gone through this stuff already.Just do it."

    Me: Hi :) I was seraching for some contacts .I came across this interesting status
          message of yours and wanted to stop by and say HI :)
    she: Oh thank you :).
           But..
           I dont think i know you :(
    Me: Thats ok! Neither do I :) Am working with Renault IS.What about you?
    she: Oh ok! Sorry i am busy with some work right now.Will catch you later.Bye.
    Me: Okie Dokie!Take care.Bye

Click.I closed the communicator window.I knew she was going to "i am busy with some work right now.Will catch you later" me.I was not surprised. I expected this.What the fuck? After all these days of ground work and patience , i ended up getting this reply? I did not use the chance properly.I should've waited for a few more days . For her, I was yet another souvenir in her communicator , a souvenir with zero snob value.

As I was contemplating my act, I saw a window pop open in my screen.My heart stopped for a few seconds.I was not able to beleive my eyes.It was from her.

    she:   Which phase are you in?
    Me:   Phase 2,first floor.
    she:   Working with?
    Me:   Renault IS.

That was it. No more reply and i closed the window again. Ahaaa!!!! now i was a bit afraid.I quickly ran a recap of my messages and replies and checked if I had sent anything sexually aggressive or intolerable.These days you dont know what makes a girl feel bad.Is she going to send her boy friend to hit me?Why the hell she wanted to double check my location?Hope she doesnt do anything silly.

For the next few days I was just looking into her status messages.I opened her chat window and closed it.I did this for some hundred times and at one point of time my communicator got disconnected and wouldn't login for an hour or so.Nothing fruitful happened.Whenever i met her in the cafeteria we used to exchange few glances here and there.Nothing romantic.

Later one day, i went to the cafeteria to get a cup of coffee.I was sitting there with some of my colleagues.Obviously the time was 4:00 pm . I knew she would come there for her break.For once i became the Nostradamus of 21st century.As i was sipping my coffee,the cafeteria door swung open.There she came, sporting a white salwar and open hair.She swept me off my feet.She looked at me and we shared glances, like we do usually.

One of my colleagues knew I liked her and as she walked by, he passed a comment in tamil.
"thala!unga aalu".(literally translates into : Boss.your figure ;))

Comments like this are considered to be a major boost for guys like me who are deeply and madly in love with someone.I was actually waiting for someone to acknowlege this.Once in my life i felt like a gorilla.Nobody comes into my territory.Mine is 'MINE'.And when people start accepting it, i am happy and start beating my chest wildly.An act that symbolises victory.

I knew that she was a North Indian and guessed she wouldnt understand Tamil.I just smiled at his comments.
What i didnt guess was this.She had come there with one of her friends who knew tamil.This friend of hers said something in her ears and she turned and looked at me.It was a dry,laconic,rusty,obnoxious,killing and 'what not' stare. I was petrified.She just took her coffee and walked away.

"Okie!Did this happen to me? What would she think of me? I didnt do anything wrong.I just smiled.Probably i should have stood up and left the place even before she could look at me.Or,in the first place i shouldn't have come for a coffee at all."

I knew she was pissed off.I came to my seat and switched on my monitor and opened the communicator.
Instincts!!Instincts i developed over the past few days.

I was shocked.She was offline.She had blocked me.I will not be able to send her any messages.Even a 'Sorry'.

"Do I deserve this kind of punishment?"

I was happy at the same time.

She knew my name.
She knew how i look like.
She knew i liked her.

Wasn't that enough?

to be continued...

Bonjour Paris : Part 1

2009-12-07T21:54:00.006+05:30

Ahoi!Raise the sails!!

Previous post on 'Bonjour Paris' here...

We reached the airport on time.My dad,uncle and my grandpa came to see me off.They actually came to confirm that I was really gone.Just before I left for the immigration , my dad called me and told me something.

"Enjoy the time you are there.But know your limits.Do Gayatri japam daily.108 times.Take care of your liver".

liver?!?!?! Of all the parts,why my liver??? I didn't understand.The fact that my dad already knew that my brain was gone,disturbed me a lot.I finished all the formalities and checked in my baggage.

This time i didn't miss anyone.I was single and free.

The flight was on time. I got in and found my seat.Even though i was traveling in economy class, the seats were quite comfortable. To my surprise, the seat next to me was empty.This was the first time in my life,the seat next to me was empty.Every time, my colleagues used to travel with me and I never had the chance of taking in so much suspense.I had my fingers crossed.I was expecting a beautiful, hot girl to take that seat.

Within a few seconds I was in a dream sequence.I could hear the trumpets,pianos and guitars throwing a cacaphonous din.A beautiful Indian girl wearing a black salwar was standing right in front of me with her hands pointing at the empty seat.It was her seat.Wow!!! Ecstacy! Ecstacy at its peak.

I knew one thing.God was never good hearted.He has never been kind to me and I was sure, even this time he won't be.As i was thinking loud,an old grumpy man came near my seat.I acted as if i didn't notice him.But i had to accept my defeat.I stood up and let him in.

For the next few hours i was just hitting that idiotic screen in front of me searching for some good tamil movies and FRIENDS episodes.My only other hope was the females in the flight crew.Atleast they could have looked a little cute.But the recession had taken its toll on airlines sector also.I cursed my luck.

The airhostess came in every now and then and asked if i would like to have something to eat or drink.I didnt feel like.This guy next to me was already having his 6th bottle of whisky."Grumpy old drunkard!!!", i thought.

I reached Dubai and took another flight to CDG.In 6 hours, I was in Paris.My heart felt light.I collected my baggage and walked out of the Paris airport.It was already 8:00PM and I could still see the sunlight.It was summer and in Europe darkness settles in at around 9:00PM.

I caught a taxi,a Mercedes, and asked him "Vous comprenez l'anglais?".
That was the only proper sentence that i knew in french.

To my relief the driver replied ,"I can speak english.Where you want to go?"

"To Citea,Clamart".That was the place where i spent the 3 months.I reached the hotel at around 10:00 PM,paid the fare and checked into my room.They had a swimming pool in the hotel.I didnt know swimming."I will learn before i leave Paris."

The room was comfortable,with a kitchen in one corner and a bed in the other.I was not sure if that place called 'kitchen' was going to be of any use,considering my cooking skills.There was a window in the middle of the room and it was huge enough to let in 3 people at a time,unscratched.But that didn't matter as my room was on the 4th floor.I opened the window and was able to see the lights from the Eiffel tower sweeping the dark Paris sky.I was already tired and I had to report the next day.

My first night at Paris(After some 6 months),without a glass of wine and an Eclair.I was a little upset,but had no other option.

To be continued...

Crime,Sin,desperation and Nirvana - Part 3

2009-12-04T15:22:00.001+05:30

As the adage goes, a bird in the hand is worth 2 in the bush.

To make her mine, the first thing i had to know is her name.It wouldnt look great if you stand in front of a girl holding a rose in your hand and say "I think i've fallen for you , hmmmmm Miss ...!!! By the way how do you call yourself?"

I was very desperate to get her name.Tried for atleast 5 weeks and failed miserably.One fine day i got a mail from my friend, which i had already posted in one of my previous blogs.(mail 6)

At last I had her name. A name that i thought,will be my field of study for the next few years!
The name that turned me upside down!A name that was spelt ******, leaving the surname,******.
Like the kollywood and bollywood Ghajini, i etched this name in my heart.

Communicator blues :

After a huge thought process that my upper factory ran, I got some satisfactory results.I gathered the guts to start my conversations with her.Working in a software company, I had all the Hi-Fi communication tools at my disposal.I just had to select the best one.I chose the MS office communicator to do the job.For those who dont have any idea of how this tool looks like,I have added the image in this post..

It wasn't so easy.

I didnt know if she would accept my request if I add her in my communicator.Dont forget the fact that she still doesnt know that i even exist :(

"Hope she doesn't turn down my request." and with a click my request was sent,and to my surprise she did accept my request.Yipeeee!!!!!

I was on one of those clouds.Errrrr..i even forgot the number of that cloud.It didnt matter as long i was one cloud 9.

Having added and ,yes, ofcourse i could see that green light near her name that said she was online,i still didnt know what to do.

"Was it the right time to start a conversation?should i wait for sometime?what if she doesnt reply? Anyway she wouldnt have accepted my request in the first place,if she didnt want to talk to some stranger."

Humans are never contended with what they have.They crave for more.

I waited for few more days.I used to see her regularly in the canteen.But i didnt have the guts to walk up to her and start talking about India in 2020 or Why Rama killed Vaali from behind the trees.I used to stare at her like a dog staring at a piece of bone. But she never even noticed that i was there.Probably she had some useful work to do.What? Drinking cofee ?

Meanwhile, there was a drastic change that happened in my life,which triggered a series of other events.Hail "chaos theory".

Initially i used to commute to my office by company bus.It was a monotonous journey.I had to see the same faces daily.I will start sleeping once i board the bus.Life wasnt that interesting.So i planned to take a train instead.

What made me shift to train? Well thats a penny worth question with a zillion dollar answer.

'Legend' or 'Rumour' or 'Faith' or 'whatever' has it that, some beautiful girls travel by train.So I wanted to try my luck there also.Yes "Two birds in a bush is worth none in the hand".

To be continued...

Enlightened...(Tweets)

2009-12-04T09:35:00.023+05:30

Warning to readers : I am not an atheist.

I came across the following dialogue in a tamil movie.Even though I am not very spiritual kinda person,i wanted to share this...

"Known is a drop,unknown is an ocean.One who knows himself ,knows all".

Pariskshit was once talking to Suka Brahma about the story of gods.From Parikshit's point of view,,
"When the story of the Lord is narrated and listened to, the Name of the Lord and the attributes enter the heart, through the ears and disperse the darkness of ignorance, isn’t it? When the lion enters the forest, the timid jackals flee with their tails between their legs, don’t they?"

I do agree with the "jackals fleeing on seeing the lion entering the forest" part,but one thing that's always troubling me is , what to assosiate the lion and the jackal with !!!

"Onaaya irundu paatha than anda nyayam theriyum" - from Hey ram

Funny Status Messages

2009-12-02T18:23:00.001+05:30

This post has some of my status messages and scraps from social networking sites like FB and Orkut and also some comments from my friends.

----
Me : "I screwed CAT.My MBA dreams??!! :( "

aaa : I knew you were so desperate.But why the hell did you screw a CAT ?!?!? ;)

----
Me : "Nan adicha thaangamaata,4 maasam thoonga maata..modhi paru veedu poi sera maata."...Awesome lyrics."

bbb : ha ha .,.. i din no u were this mad... :D thought u ll becme one day but not this soon !! :D
ccc : Some Kind of rhymes?!?!How can they ever write something like this??!

----
Me :"when i reply to someones comment,why do i need to put '@' in front of their name? It sounds like 'attu' XXXX or 'attu' YYYY :)"

No comments on this :(

----
Me : "Only beautiful girls scrap me everyday, others are fools/nuts/stinky"

ddd : "Duh!!"
eee : "beautiful gals usually dont visit profiles of dirty looking a**"
Me : :(

----
Me : "I feel like i'm on the cloud 9 , sitting somewhere on the rainbow !!! Awesome :) "

sss : "Thats the reason you had that yellow and black stains in your trouser yesterday??? :P"
Me : "Oh S***!!! you saw that??"

----
Me : "Fortune of the Day: Don't waste your life sitting at the computer reading my status message"

eee : "Don't you think people have better job to do??"
Me : "Huh!! caught u :)"

----
Me : "I was incomplete until I saw her, the girl of my dreams. Now i'm finished!! :( "

She : "Is that about me???? :|"
Me : "No!No! I saw this somewhere in the net.It has got nothing to do with 'us'! believe me :("

----

Bonjour Paris

2009-11-30T14:43:00.005+05:30

"Houston! we have a situation.

You need to be there to worsen it.Yes! I want you to start to paris immediately as we have some 3 months of free time that needs to be clocked in the timesheet against some proper and 'looks-like-it-is-serious-and-important' kind of work.

So you need to go to paris right away and continue doing what you are usually best at.Lazing around." my manager said.

"You are the right person who can do that job without any hitches or suspicion."

"But ive been to paris already.It will be good if some 'underprevilaged' or 'not so good @ work' person is sent this time.It will be like a motivation for them."

"BINGO!!! You're right. Thats our idea !And now you know why we chose you.I will send a mail regarding your tickets.You need to start this weekend."

"But i thought it is good to avoid foreign travel ,because the swine flu is spreading like love all over the country."

I saw a wicked smile on his face.

The tickets were ready and i started packing my bags.

I told this to my mom and within minutes i felt that the news channels couldn't have done even half the job.

"Harish is going to France once again.He has made me proud.We need to arrange for some pooja in the local temple".she was telling to someone over the phone and i am sure that person did not care much.

"My brother is going to france.he said he will get me some perfume,lip gloss and a good watch."

I never told her this.I told my sister that i will not be buying anything because i wouldn't even get an allowance that could barely prevent me from getting hungry.

I got the invitation letter from France , a plan about my stay and the hotel room confirmation.All set.Finally the day came and the tickets were booked in Emirates this time.Got a list of items my family wanted me to buy for them and started off to Paris,The land of love.Any good it could do for a person who is 'single'???

"For the next few months i will not be facing any shortage of beer,wine,vodka,party and ofcourse some good cabaret :)", i said to myself...

To be continued...

Crime,Sin,Desperation and nirvana - Part 4 (continued)

2009-11-24T15:13:00.002+05:30

Chapter x - An inglorious bastard :

I've always had the courage to look into a girl's eyes.But not this time.I had this eerie (?!?!) feeling inside me when i saw her.

I can feel the crows flying inside my stomach.But for a guy,whose best feature is his belly button,this shouldnt be the case.As you know

"Wherever women are concerned,the unexpected always happens".

The next day i went to office.As usual the day was not very eventful until that evening.It was 1730 hours and i was about to leave.i came to the entrance and there she was.My heart stopped for a minute.Dont expect me to say ,"Wow!!!she was beautiful" or "She stopped me and said those 3 words" or "she smiled at me!!".

I've heard people talk about heart attack.That day I had mine.
She was standing there with some other guy.They were standing 'close' to each other and she was blushing.He has got to be her boyfriend.

That guy really looked like an asshole.Not that i looked any smarter.But, well you know! thats what you feel when a girl like her falls for a guy like him.
"But she wouldnt do that.She knows that i am crazy about her.Wait a second.Has she ever seen me? She doesnt even know that i exist.How can i expect her to know that i am crazy about her.

No!this is not happening.Am i becoming an atheist?".

I was not able to answer those questions.I was becoming weak and exhausted.The fairies are not there anymore.

Yet another dissapointment.I cannot tolerate that guy anymore.I need to put an end to this.

There was a time,i prayed to god that no one should ever have a break-up,no one should ever get into such a situation and that there shouldnt be a word that even sounds like 'break-up'.But now i realised !I wanted to take back my words and prayers.

All is fair in love and war.Break-up is also is a part of it.It has to be fair enough.And now i started beleiving in the concept of 'survival of the fittest'.Am i fit enough to make her mine???

to be continued...

Crime,Sin,desperation and Nirvana - Part 4

2009-11-21T16:55:00.002+05:30

I've read books like "Talks with Ramana Maharishi","Bhagavad Gita","The Alchemist".All the books talk mainly about this 'Nirvana'.The concept of attaining Nirvana was rocket science to me,until I touched its shore.The nirvana that i attained has got nothing to do with spirituality.

The happiness in his face,when Guna saw Abhirami!The magic in the eyes of William Thacker when he took Anna Scott's hand!The ticklish feeling in her heart that she could have got,when Jun Ji-hyun was intoduced to Gyeon-woo!
Wow!!!no one can ever explain this feeling.

Yes i got the same feeling when she looked into my eyes.Her sparkling eyes screwed (?!?!?!)mine.The light from the candle passed through the glass of wine and threw a pale red light at her lovely face. Her cheek was as red as a Bordeaux wine.Her hair was darker than a black hole.Her lips were as pink as a pink panther.The diamond necklace that she was wearing suited her attire.What good deed the glass has done, to get kissed by her.If only i were that glass.The very sight of her, rose the levels of testosterone in me, to an abnormal level.

She was sitting there,right in front of me.

"Harish, I think i am madly in love with you.",she said with a Mona Lisa smile.I was on cloud 11 :) I had no words to speak.I was shocked!No!!Thrilled!No!!Excited!!that's not the right word.hmmm. I was surprised!!That would be an understatement.But,whatever!!!

I fell into the depths of her dark eyes.I enjoyed the fall.I was "falling in love".

Something hit me hard even before i entered her pupil."Damn!!!It's too cold.what the f*** is this?.Is she wearing a lens??!?"

I opened my eyes and there i was, lying on the floor.She was not there.It was totally dark and i took my mobile to check the time.It was 2:00 AM in the morning.S***!!! yet another dream.

I forgot the fact that i still didn't know her name :( Should get it soon.
I didn't know who she was and why she was there in our cafeteria.I prayed to god,that she was working in my company.That was all i could do.But let me tell you.This is the 7th or 8th time i am going through the same thing,but this time definitely i knew something was HAPPENING to me.

To Be Continued...

Intermission - A Prelude to the remaining parts

2009-11-19T21:26:00.002+05:30

Its raining outside.Feeling really sleepy.Just a perfect day to sip a cup of hot coffee and sit in the verandah with a book.

The worst part is I had office today.I would have been totally F*****-** if my cabin was not near that glass window that gave an awesome view of the buildings and the lake nearby.I was saved.

Started checking my mails.Some of them were interesting,some were irritating and some were awesssssoommeee.

Mail 1 :
From : Timesheet admin -
"You have not entered your timesheet for 18th nov.Even though we know you never did anything worthy at office,we request you to enter the timesheet soon."
They do not have a separate task in the timesheet that says "Checking mails".Pathetic.

Mail 2 :
From: Ms.XXXYYY -
"Good morning!!!Success is like pregnancy.People congratulate you for what you have achieved, but they never know how many times you were fucked.Have a wonderful day @ work.".What a motivator?!?!?

Mail 3 :
From: FW.Mr.WWWAAA -
"This mail is coming directly from Sri premananda swamijis ashram.Please forward it to 20 people within ten minutes....".
Oh god!!!these people who send 'em really need a kick in their A** not for sending out this mail,but for sending it to me.How they ever know I was That jobless, to read through this crappy mail fully and then purge it.

Mail 4 :
From: Systems Security Services -
"No movie downloads,blogging,orkut,facebook and 'whatever keeps you happy at work',for the next 2 weeks as we are going to sweep the network to check if there is a security leak somewhere".
These Admin and the network guys at my office come up with some crazy ideas all the time.This time somebody thought they need to do a security sweep on our systems and the internet browsing logs.Thank god!! i have not been watching any p**n for the past few days.

Mail 5 :
From : Mr.àâçéèê -
"Vanakkam Harish, Epdi irukengaa?
Ha ha ha.I managed to write something in tamoul."(tamoul?!?!)"We have found some 27 bugs in the PPAT and we are happy to say that the users have accepted them as a feature.Good work guys.

Now i am expecting your reply in french :)

Bon souvenir
àâçéèê,
Chef de projet,
Renault - SAS,
Paris."

WTF??? Am i here to code or to use the translator all day long to translate my mails from english to french and then send it to him?

Mail 6 :
From : Mr.YYYUUT -
"Hi daaa!!one happy news.I found the name and the address of the "girl".Oh man!!! U dunno hw tuf it was.Had to squeeze my b***** for getting it .Anything for a friend.

Her name is "BEEEEEEEP" and her address is "Another BEEEEEP"
(censored for now - will be revealed in my "crime,sin,desperation and nirvana)
She is an Italian language specialist in our company."

Huh!!! I ve started learning french just now.Cannot change to Italian in all of a sudden :(

Mail 7 :
From : Mr.qqww(APM) -
"Hi Harish,
We have scheduled a meeting with our french counterparts at 3:30 PM IST.I know you are not going to be of any use.But we need to show some head count.Be there @ room no : 101 "
Ha ha ha :) managed to sleep through the meeting though.

Mail 8 :
From : HR Admin -
"These days we can see that most of our employees are not following the dress code.We can see some girls...NO..guys...hmmmmm.no i am sure..Girls.may be not.. coming to office, wearing abnormal clothes.We kindly request you to read the HR policy on dress code before wearing such costumes.In the worst case, atleast be sure that you are wearing one.

Thanks,
HR"

Mail 9 :
From : FRIEND -
"WTF are u doin dude. "BEEP" you!!! Why the hell have you not logged into the communicator???Been trying to ping u.Its already 5:15.The buses are gonna start soon.Stop pretending and start soon.u bloody "BEEEP"ing A*****E ."

Phew!!! call it a day.

Crime,Sin,Desperation and Nirvana -Part 5

2009-11-17T16:51:00.003+05:30

Note : Eventhough this is a true story, all the characters i.e me,myself and those angels, and the incidents that affected us are purely fictitious.If at all this story resembles someone's life ,then it is going to be mine.

I still remember the day.Crystal clear my thoughts are.The day that changed me.One phone call that totally reversed my gravitational polarity.The day when my heart and brain switched places.The long wait had come to an end.Butterflies flying in my stomach.I had asked the question and was waiting for the answer.

People who know me can guess why I felt this way.But come on guys,do you think i am going to write something about my personal life , here in this blog? Of course,YES :) the snippets.

A sweet voice on the other end broke the silence with a "throat clearing" ceremony and a timid blush -

"I am not sure if this is right.But i know something has happened to me!!! ".
Ya , i knew what she was going to tell.This is not rocket science.

"What would you do if i say, i just want to be your friend?Will you be a good friend of mine?"
"Of course not!!!" - I didnt waste all my time and money on the phone calls,pizzas,coffee,movies etc ,just for this.

"Why not?I thought you liked me so much. I dont want to loose a good friend like you."
Now i knew what she was going to tell."I didnt expect this from you".Am i right sweety pie.

After all my denials ,came her acceptance.
Yes she fell in love with me and I fell in love, once again.

I was in love always. At one point of time, i even thought that falling in love was the whole purpose of my life.Mission accomplished yet another time.

Nothing ever did stop this girl from fighting for my attention and love.She couldn't resist my charm.She fell for the casanova's smile like the fireflies fell into the candle flame.Grow up guys!!! that doesnt mean the fireflies dont have brains.

And this time she fell for me.My words.My smile.My 'what-not'.

But the problem is,i am not the 'sweet-adjusting-charming-boyfriend' material.So this character of mine made sure that the bubbles burst even before they could grow big.And one fine day it did burst with a cacophonous din -'pop'.

We had to make a decission.A decission that my inner self was actually craving for.A free 'ME' ,ready to satisfy yet another 'belle' of my dreams and to live life the way i wanted to,without any "why this?", "why that?",why not?","why there?","why here?","why?",,"Going with your friend?sure?","Are there any girls around?" ,"Swear on me you are a virgin?!?!?!?!?!","Are you two timing me?"...

It was a real tough time when i had to do this as if i had thousands of reasons to say 'NO' and to prevent this from happening and that am doing it just for her,for her to be happy and live life the way she wanted to.With those tears running down my cheeks , a manly smirk and
After all those regular,emotional, hearty dialogues, we parted ways.

Days passed.Even though i always wanted a break , i should say,this incident/accident really took away something from me.

I had committed a crime.Sinned.An immaculate sinner i should say.
So i went in search of the truth.I went in search of an answer. I desperately wanted one.No one was ready to help me out.Not that they didnt want to.But they didnt know how to :)

Atlast, i found the answer myself.Yes the only thing that could save me and bring me out of the abyss.A red t-shirt and a pair of black jeans.There she was.Sitting in my office canteen and having a cup of coffee.I havent seen her before.Probably she is a trainee or something.

Hello Mr.Cupid,this time you better dont miss the target!!!

-To be continued.

Crime,Sin,Desperation and Nirvana -An epilogue

2009-11-16T20:41:00.002+05:30

Wondering why i chose this to be an epilogue,even before i started writing something?Keep guessing.Am sure you will get an answer when you finish reading all the crap below.The truth is just a few blogs down the memory lane.

All my desperate attempts of renaissance were in vein.Was preoccupied with my sins all these days.I even forgot that there existed a blog created by me and left unattended to.

Here i am hitting the keys without having the faintest clue of who is going to read this and how they are going to react to these ramblings once they hit the fullstop at the end of this post.

Let me assure you that if you are reading this line then am sure you wont regret continuing.Most of us are always interested in the real life stories.That too stories that glorify the human sufferings(I still dont understand how this is possible).
But yes, it gives some kind of immense sadistic pleasure when we see a person falling into the same ditch which we once fell into.I am not an exception.

We all have a story to share.But do we ever think "is it worth sharing?Does this story have all the ingredients that will make it a blockbuster?".
No no..Am not writing any script for a movie.The story that is going to unfold before you in the coming "Blog"isodes is my own story.The story that really made me feel that truth was rather stranger than a fiction.

One sec.i ve got a call.Will get back soon.And yes ofcourse am gonna continue writing this story.brb.

Buffalo Bubalus???

2006-09-27T23:11:00.001+05:30

I came across this stuff in wikipedia. some of you out there already know about my logophobia, as i have mentioned that in my previous blogs. This time i sat in the chair with my mouth wide open after reading this article.This will surely turn some of you, nuts. I didnt find any change in me!!! you know why :)

but am sure this is worth reading.
Moooooooo and click here!!!!

Call it a DAY!

2006-09-26T16:09:00.002+05:30

What an ideal breakfast you wish to have on a Sunday morning!!! Fresh Juice, a loaf of bread with some honey on it. Wow! After a week’s hard work there you are, sitting in your house and enjoying the brightly lit sky with all your pains dissolving in the Sunday mood.

But there is a person I know, who sits there in his house, thinking all days are Sundays, and does not remember the name of any other day.

“If today is Saturday, then tomorrow is?” he comes up with the same answer everytime,”Sunday”. Or rather let me reframe the question if you feel the previous one was a bit ambiguous.

“What are the seven days of a week?”, then he comes up with “Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday and SUNDAY.” Caught you!!! But if you still don’t understand what is happening here, then I am sorry. I don’t have the proper words to put it. But you should understand one thing, that, he is one of those people who thinks all days are Sundays.

His daily chores vary from sitting idle to staring at the ceiling. But that depends on the day of the week. Wonder whether it makes any difference for a guy who thinks all days are Sundays? Keep wondering till you forget your birthday. The only thing he does to burn his calories is, walking from his couch to his dinner table and back. If you are thinking about the distance that he is going to cover, don’t worry! You can hardly see him walking.

His breakfast, lunch and dinner is served on time and he doesn’t have to worry about being starved to death. Then this guy, switches on his comp and sits there browsing through all sorts of websites and community pages, when others of his age are out there working hard to earn their bread (bread??? I am sure they are not doing it for that!!) At last after this hectic schedule this man pulls himself out into the streets and already it is night. He roams around and finally comes home late in the night. After all this, he calls it a day, rather a “SUNDAY”.

This guy is living with only one expectation. That, he will be called by the company he is going to work for, in another few days.

Let god show some mercy on this poor soul within me that is always in a constant push to remember the names of days in a week.

fcuk this...

2006-09-24T10:25:00.003+05:30

In April 1997, French connection, a popular fashion brand, began branding their clothes “fcuk”. This was actually supposed to mean french connection United Kingdom. But its similarity to the word “fuck”caused controversy. The company fully exploited this and produced popular range of t-shirts with messages like “hot as fcuk”,”fcuk me”, “too busy to fcuk”, “fcuk on the beach”…

Just to go with the topic of this post, I had to explain what “fcuk” is all about. But its not the part that was intended to be discussed now. In the recent times France has been in the news for many other reasons.

Strikes and street protests are as common as spring showers in France. But the student rallies have been particularly troubling to the government because of their rapid spread, the threat of participation by labor unions and the historical power of students in France. A student protest that began at Paris's famous Sorbonne University in 1968 and spread to schools and factories across the country led to the resignation of President Charles de Gaulle.

Recently an estimated 250,000 students took to the streets of Paris and major cities across France, escalating a political rebellion by the country’s younger generation against a government that is floundering in its attempts to restructure a moribund economy.

Then comes the most important news of the century,”fcobl”.
Wonder what it means?
This man is often described as lanky; the FBI describes him
as tall and thin, being 6' 4" (193 cm) to 6' 5" (195 cm) tall and weighing about 165 pounds (75 kg). He has an olive
complexion, is left-handed, and usually walks with a cane.
He wears a plain white turban and no longer dons the traditional Saudi male headdress. In terms of personality, he is described as a
soft-spoken, mild mannered man, and despite his rhetoric, he is said to be charming, polite, and respectful.

You know who I am talking about. Yes it is Osama Bin laden.
Now the “fcobl” translates to “French connection Osama bin laden”.

It is really bad for a man like him, to have not died during crossfire
Or in a grenade attack or while being tortured in the hands of the U.S soldiers.
“Osama bin laden died in Pakistan on august 23rd of acute typhoid”, a French regional news paper,the L’Est republicain announced, citing Saudi sources from a leaked French secret service(DGSE).

This news is not backed by the U.S now, and France had already accepted that a leak has taken place, but says it is not sure about the news that Osama is dead.
But whatever it is everything will come to light soon.

Hey you know what? I did not intend to write a blog like this. But as the name of my blog suggests, wacky wanderer jumps from topic to topic without any sync or any proper relevance.
That is what has happened here.i just sat down to scribble some of my random thoughts and this whole thing came up as a final product. I am sure there wouldn’t be any correlation between the topics chosen. After all this is “my blog” and I do have the right to fill up any crap here. Have a good day.

The Tension of Opposites

2006-08-23T10:23:00.002+05:30

I was reading this book;” Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom.i borrowed this wonderful book from one of my friends.
I like to share few lines from this book.

For now, since this is not a book review lets have it as a conversation between master and his student. In this story the master teaches his student, the whole concept of life and its philosophy.

“Have I told you about the tension of opposites?” asked the master.

The tension of opposites?
“Life is a series of pulls, back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. You take certain things for granted, even if you know you shouldn’t.

“A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubberband.and most of us live somewhere in the middle.”

“Sounds like a wrestling match.” Said the student.
“A wrestling match” the master laughs. Yes you can describe life that way.”

“So which side wins?”

“Which side wins?”
The master smiled at his student, with his crinkled eyes and the crooked teeth.

“Love wins. Love always wins.”

That was good to read. But I never understood philosophy. I thought you could. If you get the meaning try explaining what it is all about.

InterNet-ted

2006-08-23T00:08:00.003+05:30

The sleeping habits of my fellow Indians have changed a lot. There are two main reasons for this as far as I know. May be there are more also. But I never try to write anything about which I don’t even have the faintest clues.

The first reason was shown in the book by Chetan Bhagat, “One Night at (‘@’ may be its copyright) the Call Center”. These people working in the call centers like their job (or at least pretend that they do...) very much and they force themselves to stay upright throughout the night when, even my street night watchman is already in the middle of his midsummer night’s dream. But if I get into this topic then it might hurt my fellow Americans. So I will stick to the second reason.

The second reason is the power of internet. For those who use “internet in a nutshell” or “internet for dummies” to strengthen their basics, this reason might seem to be having no effect on their sleeping habits. But I am talking about people like me with a connection that demands them to be awake all night, because their service providers have a good scheme that allows them to download and browse for free in the night times ( “unlimited download”) with people like “king khan” endorsing it.

This thing has made me rather unstoppable and I started spending the whole, or at least most of the night time sitting before my comp.

And hey now I am downloading movies using my peer to peer (p2p)*. Good ones like

^ The road to perdition

^ The road to Guantanamo

^ Taxi driver

^ The great escape and many more.

I don’t think that would bother you. I just wanted my readers to know that I do have the habit of watching good movies too.

People like me who are sitting at home contemplating life will definitely throw themselves into a drum of zyklon if they don’t have an internet connection that helps them kill time by chatting with people who are busy with their work, making new friends who wouldn’t even bother if you never existed, posting blogs that are totally irrelevant and of no use to anybody and browsing pages that gives suggestions on “how to enlarge your….hmmm!! Friends circle”.

These are mainly my own observations rather than universally accepted theories.

If people can come up with more reasons that altered your sleeping habits please do not let me know because I don’t have any solution for the problem and am already suffering from that.

* P2ps are software that are legal and can be used to download movies, songs, etc.

"Word-play"

2006-08-21T21:24:00.003+05:30

One of the games I never liked to play when I was in my school was “scrabble”. Many of them who come across this blog and are ready to waste their precious time by reading further, will be familiar with the rules and regulations of this game. But I never understood even the simplest of the games, to put it right, I never had the intention to do that.

I see many of my friends prepare for the exams like GRE and TOEFL. Oh my god!!! I don’t know how they are able to store some 3500 words, their synonyms and antonyms in their brain till they write the exam. Don’t ask me whether they would remember these words after few days. Some people do.

The only thing in any of the competitive exams that turns me off is the verbal section that demands very high literary standards that I won’t be able to match.

WORDS, WORDS and more WORDS!!!!!

But many people would have experienced certain moments that would alter their mind set and change their likes and dislikes or their skill sets, whatever radical the outcome is.

I have never experienced such a moment in my life that was strong enough to make me start liking words. Or rather I can say I had logophobia or verbophobia …whatever it is!!

I don’t know why I started this article with reference to “scrabble”. May be this is the reason.

I read a lot of books (but will never take the pains to look into the dictionary if I come across an unknown word)

Once I was reading my favorite comic “Calvin and Hobbes”. There I came across a situation where Calvin scores 957 points for playing ZQFMGB on a double-word score. When Hobbes challenges him, Calvin claims that ZQFMGB is a worm found in New Guinea. That’s a brilliant way to tackle when you play such games involving word skills. Jealous of Calvin??? Me too.

And now coming to the long words in English, people like me who hate words will hate LONG words for sure.

And for those who have the fear of long words, I came across these phrases on the internet and I thought this would make you more comfortable (he he he!!!Lol...)

Pepsi coined a word for its advertisement that had 100 letters in it. Can you say that’s a word??? Anyway check out.

“Lipsmackinthirstquenchinacetastinmotivatingoodbuzzincooltalkinhighwalkinfastlivinevergivincoolfizzin”

And even the McDonald’s restaurant came up with a similar word with 71 letters in it, to promote the Big Mac.

“Twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepicklesonionsonasesameseedbun. “

These supposedly intellectual findings of managers or ad promoters of a brand make me feel they could probably find some other good ways of promoting their brands instead of doing a “word play” that might threaten or confuse people like me.

* The whole intention of this article (or whatever it is!!) is not to waste your time, but make you think what can be done in order to make “scrabble” an interesting game for people like me.

Journey to middle of "nowhere"

2006-08-19T09:37:00.004+05:30

The final semester exams were nearing and it is a great deal if you are able to convince your mom and dad that you can manage to study for that after you return from a trek.

Ya we did that.” we” refers to the chappies of the team “g6”. “g6” is the brainchild of Krishna (one of the members of the team and my close friend). The team members are Ravi, Krishna, Kari, ani, arun and me. (The names are chronological order or whatever order you feel like)

A perfect trek according to us must have the highlights like walking on and on and on through a forest filled with the meanest of the creatures (definitely not humans), bird watching (sort of birds that one can possibly see in the middle of the forest), rock climbing, river crossing, tummy trimming, oxygen filling and camping.
Hey and also our usual chores like sleeping, eating and staring at the wall.

The place that came to our mind was “the queen of hills”, the Nilgiris. The place we know as ooty. We didn’t know that this place had something to do with trekking till we saw the itinerary of “Youth Hostel Association of India”. We planned to escape from Chennai for a week and to hit the thick forest. We were excited about the backpacking, animal watching parts of a trek

We bought the train tickets, packed all the things that we will need for the next 6 days and started our “journey to the middle of nowhere”.

The trek schedule and route are as follows…

Day 1 report at the base camp in Parson’s valley.

Day 2 trek to the Pandiar hills

Day 3 Pandiar to Mukruthi forest

Day 4 Mukruthi to Pykara

Day 5 Pykara to Mudhumalai

And the last day that is day 6 we would return home.

We reached parsons valley on May 4th. A surprise was waiting for me. May 5th, my birthday and after the dinner that night I came into the camp room just to see a cake with candles stuck to it.

Wow these guys managed to carry that huge cake from Chennai in their bag without even giving me the slightest doubt .I cut the cake there in the midst of the forest and that was the most memorable day in my life.

The next day morning we went to the dam there and had a great time meeting the tribal people living there. We were enjoying a lot without any idea of what was in the store for the next few days.

By noon we started our journey to the “Pandiar hills”, the range that is considered to be one of the most dangerous places in the southern India. This place is very famous for animals like panther, tiger, langoor, wild bison, nilgiri tar, stag and the spotted deer.

* To be continued…

"DiD U know THat>............."

2006-08-16T22:13:00.003+05:30

........>>>The Daily Talk is an English-language news medium published daily on a blackboard on

Tubman Boulevard

in the center of the Liberian capital Monrovia.

According to a New York Times report, it is "the most widely read report" in Monrovia, as many Monrovians lack the money or the electricity necessary for access to the conventional mass media.

The founder, managing editor and sole employee of the Daily Talk is Alfred Sirleaf, who is reported to have founded his blackboard newspaper because of his belief that a well-informed citizenry is the key to the rebirth of Liberia after years of civil war. He compiles his stories daily from newspaper reports and messages by volunteer correspondents. The Daily Talk is free to read, and is funded by occasional gifts of cash and pre-paid cell phone cards.

Pirelli & C. Spa is an important industrial company based in Milan, Italy.

Founded in Milan in 1872 by Giovanni Battista Pirelli, at its beginning it specialized in rubber and derivative processes, and effectively its activities still concentrate on the production of tyres, and cables (for energy and telecom). In 2005 Pirelli sold its cable division to Goldman Sachs which changed its name to Prysmian.

In 2004, Pirelli tyres are used by Subaru and other competitors in the World Rally Championship.

In the 1950s Alberto Pirelli commissioned the building of a famous skyscraper in Milan in the area in which the first factory was located in the 19th century: see Pirelli Tower.

......>>>>The Toronto Blessing is a term coined by the British press to describe the revival and resulting phenomena that began in January of 1994 at Toronto Airport Vineyard Christian Fellowship, now known as Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship (TACF), a neocharismatic evangelical Christian church located in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Participants in the conferences and meetings sponsored by TACF have reported healings, incidents of personal transformation and a greater awareness of God's love. It has also been referred to as "The Father's Blessing", "The Anointing", "The Awakening", "The River", "The Fire".

"Wadde Hadde"Wadde Hadde Dudde Da?" (English translation: "What Do You Have There?" related to the german words "Was (Wadde) Hast (Hadde) Du (Dudde) Da (Da)" which is a kind of mixture of some different german dialects) was the German entry in the Eurovision Song Contest 2000, performed in an invented dialect of German by Stefan Raab. Dudde Da?"

(English translation: "What Do You Have There?" related to the german words "Was (Wadde) Hast (Hadde) Du (Dudde) Da (Da)" which is a kind of mixture of some different german dialects) was the German entry in the Eurovision Song Contest 2000, performed in an invented dialect of German by Stefan Raab.

***** More to be posted in future*******

Hail "TooTh FaiRy"

2006-08-16T21:38:00.003+05:30

“Is it painful?” asked my dentist. And she is really dumb if she is going to expect an answer from a person whose mouth is wide open (Remember how hippo yawns???)

That’s my first day at “the battle of Roots and Canals”. So let me put it as Root Canal part1.

For people who eat a lot of chocolates this battle is unavoidable and you have to be strong enough to face your worst nightmares. I did that.

You know how much embarrassing it is to open your mouth and let others have a look into it. But come on!! you have to do this once in your life time when you are at your dentist’s place.

“Grrrr……….” That sound is really irritating. That’s one of the drillers they use to clean your teeth. This driller or whatever it is also splashes some water at your “tooth under scrutiny” just to clean it. My dentist gave me a suction pipe and asked me to hold it inside my mouth just to clear the water. That suction pipe did suck out the spirit that was left in me.

Then came the worst part. There was never such an embarrassing moment in my life. I was asked to move to the next room to get an x-ray of my tooth. I had to walk through a corridor where the patients were waiting for their turn to be tortured. And you know why it was embarrassing??? I was asked to do this whole thing with my mouth wide open and some sort of cloth hanging out from it. I can see the smile on the face of some patients. I guess they were second timers who had already been tortured and took a pleasure in their own suffering as well as other’s.

Let me ask you something. How would you feel when someone points a gun at you and asks you to adjust the position of your face so that the bullet doesn’t hit the wrong place?

That’s how I felt when the dentist pointed some sort of pipe at me and asked me to adjust the coordinates of my face so that the x-ray falls on the place where it is intended to. X-ray was taken and again I had to follow the same procedure while returning back to my chair. This time no one looked at me because they knew “whatever goes up must come down” and they had expected me to come out of the x-ray room like that.

I heard my dentist having a small chat with her colleague regarding the x-ray of my tooth.

“It looks like the tooth cannot be saved and we have to go in for a RC. It is completely infected and damaged.”

And there I start my voyage through the most notorious and painful process of the “root canal treatment” :(

Should politicians be allowed to marry the girl whom they were in love with?

2006-05-19T22:44:00.001+05:30

Do politicians fall in love??? This question seems to have no great importance directly, but having in mind the concept of “Butterfly effect” and the thought of universal good, this thing has to be discussed immediately.

Let me put my first question in the closet for now and consider another important question. Assuming that they fall in love, do they marry the same girl whom they loved?

This definitely requires some thought. When answered they might prove helpful for the state police, crime reduction as well as the state meteorological department. Now don’t think how it would help the meteorological dept. That would be of no use to you considering the fact that right now you have just assumed that “the politicians fall in love”.

In my school days during “chemistry” classes… wait, what does chemistry class has to do with love and politics? Perplexed? Love is “chemistry”.

Yes, continuing my experience in one of the classes… I was having a discussion about “if like charges repel then what about like minds? They should also repel”. So I had my own presumption that a guy would not be attracted towards a girl who is having the same mind set or the same moral values(if at all they have any). And yes my friend shot back with one of the nicest examples from past... Oops wait this relationship still exists. Sorry I have a bad knowledge about politics or may be the life of the politicians. He popped up with the example of “The taste of Bihar”.

Now let me get into the “Butterfly effect” part of it.

And for those who don’t know what “Butterfly effect” is, please search in Google. I have a contract with them. I am rewarded a proportionate amount to the number of people searching for the word “Butterfly” or “Effect” or even the whole word “Butterfly effect”.

I cannot forget how my “physics” classes helped me in finding an answer for this rare phenomenon of “politicians marrying the girl they loved”. Read through to find how my education helped me find the answer.

Now that you are convinced with my theories (if at all I had presented any) we can answer the question easily.

First of all how can this help in efficient policing?

If a politician marries a woman whom he had loved then according to my research there is a 50% chance that they share the same ideologies. And the rest 50% goes to say that they don’t have any.

Ok, now they are married … according to the “wave theory”, when two waves of equal phase are superimposed then this result in a bigger wave (higher magnitude).

The child that they give birth to, will have the amplified version of their qualities. “God save us”.

Considering the fact that our politicians are noteworthy for their indispensable character, their offspring are trained in their womb to inherit the legacy of their parents.

When they grow old they will complicate the matters of law and order as their parents did. If the politicians are not allowed to marry the woman whom they have loved, then there is a .5 probability that the corruption rate goes down.

Are you wondering how to make this world corruption free? There you are. Try to force the law makers to pass a bill that demands all the politicians to be Eunuchs. Simple isn’t it.

And again coming to the meteorological dept. there is one thing that I can suggest. Do not appoint any sons of politicians to head the working of this infamous department.

HOW TO HACK A SUPER COMPUTER???

2006-05-14T20:22:00.003+05:30

Are super computers really super? Given a chance to work on a super computer, just check out how fast it is. Let me tell u how I would check it. Then you can use your “own ways” to do this. After all I can copy right my idea.

My way of checking this, involves some small calculations. If it takes 20 seconds for a normal computer to start up the Mario game immediately after we click on the icon, then the super computers which are famous for their speed will take only 18.88 seconds. I assume that the people reading this do not require the method that I used for this calculation. And if you are sure you need the method, then you are brilliant enough to chuck this article and do some important work you have.

Another way of checking without using much calculation involves using a word processor file in that computer. Now, in the super computer terminology we use the word “SUICIDE” instead of “DELETE”. You want to delete a file press delete key and what happens next is really a surprise (this method is of no great use, because the result can be seen in any of the normal computers).

The problem with suicide involving human (also includes “you know who” if you had any doubt) is that, sometimes you jump out the window and change your mind between the eighth floor and the seventh floor. “Oh! If only I could go back!!!!” Sorry. You can’t .Too bad. But this super computer is good hearted and it grants you a second chance asking whether you want to retrieve the file.

Now you are sure whether the computer is a super computer or not.

But hey!!! Super computers are strongly protected using fire walls (they are not so hot anyway) first we have to find a way to break this firewall.

Most of the super computers have a seven letter word or number or both as their password. This password protects them from pimps who constantly try to access the database and retrieve the details about official strippers and sex bombs. (Read “secret agents” and “nuke”). This firewall can be broken easily having in your mind the concepts of algebra that an Indian kid studies at the age 10 and an American kid….I mean...teenager…at the age of 15.

How many groups of seven could be made from the letters of the alphabet, including the possibility of repetition, even though there is no reason the word could be “fifteen”? The number comes to 6 billion and something using permutation and combination. A giant calculator capable of running through all 6 billion at the rate of a million per second would still have to feed them to the super computer one at a time. And it takes the super computer about 10 seconds to ask for the password and verify it. That comes to 60 billion seconds. There are over 31 million seconds in a year. Say 29.88, to have a round figure. It would take, therefore, 2000 years to go through all the possibilities. Nice work!

Assuming that Americans are the only people who are obsessed with super computers we can find the password by a mere guess work.

The password can be “P-A-S-S-W-O-R-D” without the “P” that makes it truly American, and you want to check that? See “A-S-S-W-O-R-D” it is a seven letter word. Bingo! That’s how you hack a super computer. Think I have suggested an easier way of getting into most protected computers in the world which might possibly be stationed in the castle of Carpathians.

So be sure you follow this method to infilterarate the best computer in the world or at least in America. May be who knows there might be clever people using them in “The Base”.

hawaiian holiday

2006-05-14T19:42:00.003+05:30

There is nothing you can do if your boss asks you to take a week off. And as you know, opportunity knocks at the least appropriate moment. Come on! What are you waiting for? Anyway sky has some other sensible work instead of falling on your hollow head.

You have to accept your fate. And I am sure he will give you a list of places including “hell”, from which you can choose your pick. Most of the bosses recommend only three islands, namely India, Maldives and Namibia. After all you would not be waiting to blast yourself with puke in the summer.

Given these three choices, your obvious pick would be Hawaii. Getting a visa is the toughest part assuming that you have already convinced your wife to stay back at home because as you know, the probability of a young man meeting a desirable young female increases, when he is already in the company of a date, his wife, and/or a better looking and male.

Some ways that you can follow in order to pass the visa interview might alter your DNA and make you unfit to live in this world. But who cares. It was your boss’s idea and he is going to pay you for what you are not.

The three compulsory things you have to follow when you go for the interview are:

1. Do not wear your pants inside out.

2. You should either know bungee jumping or local version of it like kick boxing.

3. You should definitely not accept that you are aware of the above two.

4. And the final thing is that don’t ever address a male interviewer as “madam”, because this might reduce the chances of taking favorite and lucky underwear with you.

If everything goes fine then you will be given your visa. If you are lucky enough, then you may get a free first class return trip ticket from Antarctica as a gift from the Hawaiian embassy. Think you can use this ticket when coming back from Hawaii? Keep guessing.

There is one more thing you need to know before you get into Hawaii. Your body weight including your "whatever it is"(read..wts) should be exactly 129 kg.

· If you are 100 kg., then your "wts" must be 29 kg.

· If you are 29 kg., then your "wts" must be 100 kg.

It goes on this way. Be careful! People, who check your weight there, are the most infamous cannibals and they are bound to do take off from your body, whatever possible thing to get that perfect 129 kg.

If something goes wrong do not forget to thank your boss for what he did to your ass by not telling about these hungry people.

While booking your ship ticket, see to that you don’t get an aisle seat because who knows? You wouldn’t want to puke on the guy sitting next to you. Wait! Aren’t you taking a plane? Anyway even planes do have window and aisle seats.

Once you are back from your holiday do not try to prove to your wife that you didn’t have sex with anyone else there and that you even dug your dick in the mud when having a sun bath in order to protect “him” from feeling exposed. Having seen that “small guy” waiting to fill her tank with thousands of lousy idiotic "tiny guys" for so many years, she would easily be able to find out where and how he got sun burnt.

And I don’t think you would wish to see your wife staring at “him” to find out what had happened.

Enjoy your holiday!!